How can I go out with him and still keep a best friend?

August 14th, 2008

There’s this guy whom I really like. My best friend thinks he likes me, and I think so too. Problem is, I think my friend likes him too and is just saying she doesn’t like him so she won’t hurt me. But if I start going out with the guy, she might become hurt and jealous. How can I go out with him and still keep a best friend?

answer:
This seems like a time to trust that what your friend is saying is true. Let her know your concerns, and ask her to be honest. If she still insists she doesn’t like him, go ahead and get to know this guy. If she ends up acting jealous, gently remind her that you counted on her honesty, and that to avoid future problems, you’d like her to say what” s on her mind.

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She kicked me out of the clique

August 13th, 2008

I used to be part of the cool clique in my school. But then a new girl came who was incredibly pretty. She immediately became popular—and part of our clique. Everyone started listening to her, so when she decided that she didn’t like me, the other girls kicked me out of the clique. Some of my friends want to be friends with me again, but this new girl won’t let them. What should I do?

answer:
The next time you see your “friends”, you might want to mention to them that they’re giving this girl the power to choose their friends for them. Then let them consider this for a while as you go off and involve yourself in new activities that make you feel good about you. Chances are, your friends will begin to decide that they’d like to choose their friends for themselves, and they’ll gradually break away from this girl’s hold. If not, you haven’t lost true friends; you’ve only lost weak people who can’t think for themselves.

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Depressed because of my best friend

August 13th, 2008

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been so depressed because of my best friend. I always thought that we would be together forever. Ever since we started high school, though, everything has changed. My best friend has made all these new friends, has a boyfriend and has made the tennis team. She never has time for me anymore. I miss her so much, and I feel lost without her. The worst part is that she doesn’t care. What should I do?

answer:
Sounds like your friend has made a real effort to expand her interests and circle of friends. It doesn’t mean, though, that you’re left with nothing. Let her know you miss her, but focus on learning something from her, and involve yourself in new interests. Take up a new sport, join a new club or do some volunteer work. You’ll meet new friends and discover new things about yourself. You might be surprised to find that you won’t miss your old friend so much. But if you still do. at least you’ll feel stronger when you approach your friend again and see how she feels about redefining and resuming your friendship.

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Misjudged the new girl

August 12th, 2008

I used to be really popular until I met a new girl at school. Everyone said she smoked and did drugs, but I didn’t believe them. Instead, I became her friend. Later, I learned that the rumors were true, and now I have her reputation. I don’t want to be friends with her anymore, but all my old friends have dumped me. What should I do?

answer:
Be honest with the new girl and tell her that you don’t like hanging out with people who smoke and do drugs. Then, tell your old friends that you misjudged the new girl, and you regret that your friendship with them suffered because of it. You might try inviting your old friends out and show them that you’re still the same old you. Hopefully, they’ll welcome you back, but be patient. It may take a while.

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Why can’t I get a decent guy to like me?

August 12th, 2008

I try talking to guys, dancing with them at parties, but when I have someone else ask a guy if he likes me, the answer is always no. Instead, I get asked out by losers. What am I doing wrong?

answer:
A guy might feel put on the spot when you have a friend ask him if he likes you, rather than asking him yourself. Also, some guys may not be able to decide after a few conversations and dances how they really feel about you. (And if they think you’re more into them than they’re into you, they may think you’re desperate and so shy away.) And lastly, by dividing guys into two categories (the decent ones and the losers), you could be missing the opportunity to get to know lots of guys— guys with whom you might actually hit it off.

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How can you tell if a guy likes you for who you are?

August 12th, 2008

This guy keeps telling me how much he likes me and what an awesome body I have. I haven’t gone out with him yet because I’m confused. How can you tell if a guy likes you for who you are or if he’s just interested in your body?

answer:
That’s not an easy question. It’s possible that this guy’s only interested in a physical relationship with you. But it’s also possible that he admires your figure and thinks he’s complimenting you by commenting on it. To get a grip on his true motives, you might want to continue talking to him, trying to get to know him better, letting him know the body talk bothers you—without rushing things. If all he can talk about is your body,then you’d be wise to back off from him. But if he really seems attracted to your personality as well as your looks, then you could consider going out with him. Be careful, though. You’ll have to trust your instincts on this one.

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Should I tell her to get lost?

August 12th, 2008

I have this wishy-washy “friend.” One day, she needs someone to talk to and comes to me. The next day, she needs someone to pick on, so she abuses me. Should I tell her to get lost?

answer:
Before you tell your friend to get lost, tell her how you feel. Explain that when she’s hot and cold with you, you feel hurt and used. Hopefully, she’ll get the message and start treating you right. But if she falls back into her unpredictable ways and starts abusing you again, you need to tell her loud and clear that you refuse to be treated that way—and walk away from her. By holding your ground, you’ll send her a message: If she can’t show you some respect, she’ll lose you as a friend.

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