How to choose a boyfriend
You like him a lot.
I mean, like him for who he really is. Okay, shelve the he’s-close-to-God fantasy. You’ve got a real live guy here who is cool and funny and smart, yes, but sometimes also scared, confused, even wrong. So the real test is that even after you see he is absolutely, humanly not perfect, you still want to be with him. As in, as is. Which means you don’t want to change him (”If only he . . .”), save him (”He needs me”) or bring out the softer side that only you see in him.
You like him-popular or not.
It’s easy to start liking a guy because every other girl on the planet likes him. And then it’s easy to think that just because you’re going out with the most heavily preyed-upon and prayed-for guy . in the school, you’ve accomplished something—like you’ve won the grand prize for getting guys. But look, going out with The Popular Guy isn’t going to make you anything more than The Girlfriend (for now) of The Popular Guy. Who you like is a quirky, individual thing. Go with it!
You like the way he sees you.
Remember how Uma Thurman’s character in The Truth About Cats & Dogs starts liking Brian (Ben Chaplin) because he buys her a book? He thinks she’s smart, and she’s always wanted someone to think she was smart. (All right, she does happen to be impersonating her more intelligent best friend, but that’s beside the point.) Well, that’s the magic about being with someone you’re meant to be with—he sees the qualities in you that you want him to.
If you like yourself, pick a guy who likes you, too. Okay, so we all act shy, feel fat and get embarrassed . . . sometimes. But your boyfriend shouldn’t make your insecurities any worse.
You act like yourself around him. . .
Other than the fact that he makes your heart pound and your pulse race, you feel pretty comfortable around him. Like, you don’t freak if he sees you without makeup, you don’t feel the need to practice your opening line before you dial his number, and you don’t start dwelling on how you said the wrong thing as soon as you hang up.
You feel like he respects you.
He doesn’t have to play the violin or take ballet classes just because you do. But if he respects what you do, he respects you, which lasts a lot longer than goo-goo eyes. Wouldn’t it be cool if this guy were bragging to his friends about not only what- a babe you are but what a great musician/athlete/mathematician ?
You have stuff in common.
Just think of how much fun it would be to do all the things you do now (i.e., the things you like to do anyway!), only with him. Like Rollerblading, going to concerts, renting horror movies, shopping. . . . Okay, reality check: No guy is going to share every single one of your interests, but, ideally, attraction won’t be the only thing that’s mutual. Staring at and kissing him and talking about “your feelings for each other” will get boring after a while (really).
You absolutely and always trust him.
If he lies about the little things, he’ll lie about the big things. And when you don’t trust a guy, he makes you crazy, and then you become the jealous girlfriend you never thought you’d be. It sucks. Unless you enjoy yelling and storming out of parties and spending four hours on the phone “working things out,” you might want to stay away from The Liar.
You have high expectations of him.
Don’t tolerate stuff from guys that you wouldn’t put up with from your girlfriends: lying, criticizing, blowing you off, bossing you around, being late or being a loser. Come on, you put your friends to the test to make sure they’re honest, loyal, nice, generous and that you have Kin together. Why not demand the same of The Guy?
You think he’s nice.
And “He’s nice to me” isn’t good enough. Look at how he treats other people, because that’s how he’ll treat you in about three weeks, guaranteed. A cool guy is good for the crush thing, but once you’re spending some real time with him—like when you’re stressing about school or not getting along with your best friend—kind will be a lot more comforting than cool.
You more or less like his friends
Hey, he chose ‘em! His friends (at least to some extent) reflect who he is. Look at Beavis and Butt-head, Cher and Dionne, Wayne and Garth—they just go together. Okay, so you’re not dating his friends. But if they really are total Butt-heads and he seems to worship them, you just might begin to wonder about him. Or if you think they’re a bad influence on him—he either teases you or seems to forget you exist whenever they’re around—well, this is a problem.
He makes you happy.
You’ve heard it a zillion times: Nobody H but you is going to make you happy. Still, the guy doesn’t have to nuke you unhappy! “I love him, but I’m miserable half the time” is dramatic, sure. But what’s the point? Since having a boyfriend is an option and not a requirement, only have one if he makes your life better.
You can say anything to him.
It’s a good sign when you can’t wait to tell him about even the littlest things going on in your life: that you’re reading an amazing book, that you just got a letter from your best friend at camp or that you pitched a great game in softball yesterday. Not to mention the bigger things—you feel caught in the middle of your parents’ constant fighting, or you can’t decide which elective to take next term. It means you know he’ll “get it” and that you trust him and respect his opinion. And most of all, it means you know he’s there for you. (Remember the word “friend” in boyfriend!)
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