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I’ve been friends with a certain guy for years and I never thought that I’d have sexual feelings towards him. A few weeks back, however, I had a few too many cocktails at a party and came onto him in no uncertain terms. Being the gentleman I think he is, he said he didn’t want to spoil our friendship and that even if we did sleep together, he wouldn’t want it to happen “this way”. What did he mean by that and where does this leave our friendship?

answer:
Three words. Deep. Deep. Trouble. First up, the “this way” comment indicates that he too has at least thought about getting naked with you but would prefer it to have happened when the only motivating factor was lust — as opposed to booze. What’s more revealing is his first comment. I’d wager that this guy is satisfied by the platonic nature of your relationship. In fact, he values it more than an orgasm. Which, in male speak, is really saying something. Respect his wishes. As for the weirdness your behaviour has caused between you, confront it head-on with an admission that you were out of line and an apology.

The other day, I was talking to my brother while he was getting ready for a date when he did the most bizarre thing. After applying spray deodorant under his arms, he hooked a thumb into his underwear and unleash a burst onto his bits. There have been times during intimate moments with men when I’ve smelt the aroma of deodorant down there too. Is this a common male practice and if so, why?

answer:
Yes, this is something all men have done from time to time. However, it’s also something we grow out of eventually and realize basic hygiene is all that’s required. Another explanation comes in the form of considering the alternative fragrance that results from having your goodies stuffed into a Lycra cocoon during a night of dancing. Many a man’s plans of carnal fulfilment have been derailed just after he drops his undies, and your brother ain’t taking any chances.

Help! Major blooper at work! I was griping to my friend over SMS about how my boss is such a bitch, always so snotty and condescending. By mistake, I sent the SMS to my boss instead of my friend! Of course my boss blew her top and had me suspended for a week. I can take the suspension and I’ve apologized, but I’m wondering whether I should just go ahead and resign. I really don’t feel inspired by my boss. She’s a slave driver and she doesn’t care about the well being of her staff. What do you think?

answer:
Oh, dear. Firstly, if you want to say anything about anyone, never use SMS or email. We’ve all been there. It’s like there’s a devil nudging you to send the message to the wrong person! You say you’ve paid for your mistake so the real issue here is that you aren’t enjoying your job under your boss. You need to ask yourself: Do you actually like your job enough to put up with a bad boss? If not, it’s time to move on. But do keep in mind the nature of bosses — they tend to be slavedrivers because they run the show, you know. So you could just move from one straight to another. The more mature move is to learn how to handle your boss. Be super-helpful so that she doesn’t need to give you a hard time. If you want to be the boss someday, this is a skill you should master now. And hey, with a bit of ego-stroking, believe me, bosses can be the easiest people to win over!

The company I work for recently threw a bash to celebrate our annual profits and we were asked to bring our spouses along. My husband was extremely hesitant and when I finally dragged him along, he spent the whole evening propping up the bar. He didn’t get embarrassingly drunk but he didn’t socialize either. How can I get him to lift his game the next time something like this rolls around?

answer:
The first factor you have to discount is shyness. Could it be that your man was so overwhelmed at the prospect of being a corporate handbag and meeting a room of strangers that he sought solace with someone who truly understands him? (I’m referring to alcohol and yes, we think of it as a person.) If you think this might be the case, you have a role to play in helping him feel more at ease. This task can be accomplished through hovering close to him, facilitating his entry into conversations by introducing subjects he’s passionate or knowledgeable about and so on. Should he still act the sullen skulk, list the number of his colleagues you’ve had to endure at functions and tell him it’s payback time so act interested and start smiling, buddy!

I love to wear make-up but, since having my baby, I just don’t have the time to get it looking right. Any quick tips?

answer:
A: Try following these simple, time-saving make-up tips to keep you looking good — even if your baby has kept you up all night!
• Opt for an all-in-one foundation/powder. Apply it over your skin with a damp sponge, ensuring you blend it well.
• Putting on eye shadow is usually the most time-consuming part of making-up. So, instead of eye shadow, dust your eyelids with a little color when you’re applying your blusher.
• Slick eyelashes with some clear mascara and do the same to your eyebrows, too. This will give added definition without color.
• Don’t skimp on lipstick - it’s a great way to make you look and feel fabulous. However, make sure you steer well clear of bright colors, such as fuchsia pink and red, as they’re time-consuming to apply. Instead, opt for peach and pinky shades. For speed, apply from the tube, then blot with a tissue for a matt finish.

My life seems to be in a rut since my husband died. I live in a state of permanent depression. Even when I go on a visit to the country with my children— something I used to love—I see the trees and sunshine, but I don’t feel it. What can I do?

answer:
Everybody feels blue from time to time. We all have days when, for no reason that we can think of, life seems uninteresting, effort seems pointless, and we greet events that normally arouse our enthusiasm with total apathy. Two or three days later, the feeling has gone and the hustle and bustle of everyday life finds us a cheerful participant again.

Sometimes, however, this temporary feeling that we all know visits a particular person for a lot longer. Instead of suddenly lifting, the depression gets worse. This is a serious and recognizable emotional illness— and it is important to go to a doctor to seek treatment. If it is diagnosed and treated, the results can be total recovery. But what makes things more difficult is that frequently someone suffering from depression will partly disguise her illness from herself and her doctor. She may instead complain to her doctor of fatigue, insomnia, general irritability and listlessness, but it may take a perceptive physician to see that behind these symptoms lies a more general state of illness —depression.

Some depressive phases seem entirely unconnected with outside events, and many psychologists believe that they are the result of a chemical change within the body. Since modern treatment with drugs has proved highly successful at shifting these mysterious blues there is obviously no point in hesitating. If any member of the family becomes a victim of persistent depression, it is time to get expert help.

My friends tell me that I’m cute, but when I go home and look in the mirror, I just see how ugly I am. Whom should I listen to—my friends or myself?

answer:
Sounds like your self-esteem is taking a nosedive, and you need to figure out why. Could be that in an effort to improve yourself, you went overboard and started to cut yourself down. Listen to your friends, but more importantly, start being kinder to yourself. Write down a list of all your positive qualities—appearance-related and character-related. Keep this list handy and read it aloud any time you feel the urge to get down on yourself.