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I care a ton about my friends and couldn’t live without them. The problem is, they’re like carbon copies of each other—they dress alike, talk alike, and think alike. This bothers me because I see myself as an individual and I’m proud of that. Standing apart from the crowd doesn’t freak me out. I prefer Dinosaur Jr. to Whitney Houston, and Antique Boutique is more my style than The Gap. Also, I’m a vegetarian. So I feel like an outsider when I go shopping or even to a restaurant with my friends.

Most of the time we have fun together, but sometimes I feel like I don’t belong. As I said, though, they’re practically my second family. So should I keep hanging with them or should I move on and find some other friends?

answer:
Nobody says you have to love all the things your friends love (and vice versa) to be important to each other. Sure, it can be hard sometimes to feel close to people who seem so unlike you, but if all your friends were the same as you,well, how boring would that be? So to answer your question, I think you should hang on to the friends you have—despite your differences—and find some new people to hang out with, too.

That means resisting the urge to trash your friends’ tastes—just like they don’t trash yours. Also, just because your friends are more mainstream than you are doesn’t mean they can’t think for themselves. As long as they’re good people and you still have fun together, I say accept them as they are and appreciate them.

At the same time, there’s no harm in looking for new friends who are more on your wavelength. You’ll probably find that you get different things from each set of friends: from the new ones, common interests, a sense of being “soul mates,” and people to go to concerts and eat tempeh burgers with; and from the old, security, loyalty, and a shared past.

However, if hanging around your old group makes you feel totally frustrated and alienated, then you should try spending less time with them (a little distance could make the differences between you and your friends seem like less of a problem).

If you do decide to move away from them, don’t just drop them immediately. Remember all the times when they were there for you and what made them your friends in the first place. And don’t forget that just as your tastes changed, so could your friends’.

I get lots of “hellos” and looks from guys around school. I ‘m kind of picky about guys. Often, a guy will like me, and we’ll go out. After a few dates, I’ll decide I don’t like him and dump him. I still want to find Mr. Right. Now what?

answer:
There’s nothing wrong with having high standards, but it’s possible that your expectations are a little too high when it comes to guys. Accept the fact that you’re never going to find Mr. Perfect, and that if you don’t take a few flaws in stride, you are going to end up being lonely. Get to know guys better before you start dating them, and take things slowly so that you won’t be as likely to hurt them.

My boyfriend’s really nice, and he really likes me, but he’s so hard to communicate with. I try my best to talk to him, but then suddenly he gets shy, or I do. Can you help me figure out how to communicate better?

answer:
Ask yourself whether you and your guy have a lot in common. If you don’t, this could be one reason why you have trouble keeping a conversation flowing. If you and your guy share common interests, try reading up on them or going to see movies on these subjects to spark some conversation. Ask open-ended questions and listen thoughtfully and non judgmentally when he answers. You won’t fill every moment of silence, but this can help.

I’ve been going out with this guy for a year. We went out the other night, and he asked me if I was a virgin. I told him I wasn’t, but I really am. He asked me to have sex with him. I don’t want to, but he told me that he’d break up with me. I don’t want to lose him. What should I do?

answer:
This issue is extremely important. First, you should never feel embarrassed about who you are. Your boyfriend has no right to ask that question, and you are not obligated to answer it. If he’s going to break up with you over sex, then let him. This guy isn’t worth it. You should be very proud of yourself. Don’t let him bully you into making a decision that you are uncomfortable with. Tell your boyfriend that if sex is all he cares about, then he’s not the right guy for you. Give him a chance to explain because sometimes guys say things—especially about sex—that they don’t mean. If he loves you, he’ll understand how you feel.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for quite a while now, and I am absolutely in love with him. Occasionally, he’ll get into a mood where he totally blows me off and goes out with his friends—even if we’ve made previous plans. What really bugs me is when he doesn’t call to let me know that we’re not going out. Then the next day, he acts like nothing happened. I really love him and don’t want to break up, but how can I talk to him about this?

answer:
If your boyfriend flakes on you and doesn’t apologize, then he’s being inconsiderate. However, be careful not to overreact when he wants to spend time with his friends. Let him know that he’s let you down, and it hurts. Then give him a chance to realize his mistake and apologize. If he won’t take responsibility for his actions, then he’s too immature for you. Obviously you really care about him, so try and work this out.

I’ve just moved, and my best friend keeps writing to tell me how much fun she and the friends I’ve left behind are having. I’m so homesick, and this just makes me feel worse. Help! What should I do?

answer:
It’s never easy to move and leave old friends behind, and in your case, you keep getting written reminders of what you’re missing. While it’s good to keep in touch with your old pals, you might want to set these letters aside, and turn your attention to finding new friends in your new surroundings. Get involved in activities around school. Soon you’ll be writing letters and telling your friend how much fun you’re having.

I’m 17, and my boyfriend is 18. My problem? I can’t seem to trust him. He knows I don’t trust him, and it bothers him. If he tells me that he has to work overtime at his job, I worry that he’s not telling me the truth, that he’s going out with another girl. How can I change so I’m not suspicious of him?

answer:
First thing you need to do is to ask yourself if this guy has given you good reason to mistrust him. If not. you need to work on bolstering your self-esteem in order to tackle the trust issue. Try making sure you’re busy doing something meaningful with your time when he’s working overtime. If he’s given you reason to doubt him, trust your instincts and reevaluate whether you really want to stay with a guy whose word means nothing.