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There is no time limit to an engagement, but there are definite engagement guidelines couples should follow. No matter how long the two of you have been engaged, you shouldn’t lose sight of the intent to actually get married. Engagement, for however long it goes on, is about building the foundations of marriage.

Sometimes people wait to marry because of positive reasons, such as saving for a home. Try to set a hypothetical time line and agree that if it still feels right to get married at that time, then you’ll do it. If that’s in three years, then so be it. The more you talk about the future, the better prepared you will be for it.

People choose engagement as a nice stepping stone between living together and marriage. Couples get engaged to show they’re different from other people who are just living together.

However, a couple may choose to stay engaged for a long time because they’re not ready for the whole “till death do us part” thing. Problems can start to arise though when they don’t discuss the next step. Engagement should be a time for preparation.

Symbolically, marriage does mean more and there are added pressures. You can be frowned upon today if you go into an unstable union. But it’s not until you start to challenge the foundations of your relationship that you can move forward. Your fear of the unknown won’t go away until you work out why you’re so scared.

If you feel ready to have the “So, when are we getting married?” talk, then go for it. Though men and women often see different outcomes, they both want the same things in life — love, stability and happiness.

Anyone who believes the saying “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” needs their head examined. In fact, the complete opposite is true - for love to last you need to say sorry and say it whenever you’re in the wrong - so your partner is reassured that you care about his feelings. Relationships are about give and take.

If you have a problem and don’t both talk about it and make efforts to sort it out, the issue may end up causing resentment and distance in your relationship.

Far from being unconditional - a committed relationship involves many conditions - that we will be faithful, sexually active, caring, supportive and trustworthy. In fact, it’s when these conditions are not fulfilled that relationships break because one or both partners feel their needs are not being met.

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If your boyfriend has a tendency to be aggressive, if he is rude to your family or tends to sponge money off you - there is no way you won’t have noticed and worried and tried to cover up in front of your friends. When it comes to glaringly obvious flaws in our relationships we are seldom blind, but we often try to be. We go into denial hoping the problem is all in our head or that he will change if he’s given enough coaxing.

This very dodgy myth comes from the idea that when you love someone you should see them through rose-coloured glasses; that you should be so overcome with emotion you can’t feel anything else but passion. Sounds terribly romantic but in the cold light of day, this approach is fraught with difficulties. Either it will prove unsustainable or will lead you to delude yourself and stay in a relationship against your better judgment, risking getting torched later on down the track.

So when you look at your boyfriend, make sure your eyes are wide open. If you really are having to make constant excuses to accommodate his behavior, maybe the man of your dreams is really a nightmare and you’re just closing your eyes to it.

Though it is healthy in a relationship to be able to accept a person’s faults, some things such as abusive behavior, insensitivity and infidelity should not be overlooked.

Love at first sight is a myth. How many times have you been drawn like a magnet to a guy who is drop dead gorgeous, only to talk to him and discover he’s self-centered, clueless or lacking in personality? And how many times have you met a guy who didn’t appeal much at first only to find the more you get to know him the more he grows on you.

Though in rare cases people do meet and can’t stop looking at each other - it’s not love, it is attraction. Though many of us feel lust at first sight, love is built on something deeper and stronger. It takes time to build the trust, respect, intimacy and fondness that provides the true foundation for love.

The trouble with the idea of love at first sight is that it creates an expectation that there will be instant fireworks when you meet the perfect person. If that doesn’t happen on a date or while chatting to a guy at a party, many women immediately give up, thinking the relationship could never last.

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My boyfriend recently bought a new double-breasted suit and maintains they are coming back into fashion. I think he looks like a third-rate host in a second-rate restaurant. How can I tell him he doesn’t look as good as he thinks?

answer:
Gently. One of the reasons men go for double-breasted jackets is that salesmen believe they disguise a belly better than single-breasted coats. In other words, his style hypothesis may simply be a smokescreen. I think a gift is in order here so head to a menswear shop and ask them to recommend a one-button style for your man’s build in a dark color he can throw over jeans. Then compliment him mercilessly whenever he dons it. Flattery will win out every time.

I recently decided to treat myself to a weekly session with a personal trainer to keep motivated. Problem is, I think I’ve fallen in love with him. We get along brilliantly, he takes an interest in me and I feel fantastic when I’m with him. He’s never crossed the line but I really wish he would. Would it be out of line for me to ask him out for a drink?

answer:
I wouldn’t if I were you and here’s why. For a start, I don’t believe you’ve fallen in love with a man you’ve had several 40-minute sessions with. Considering he’s probably buffed and bronzed, I’d say it’s more a case of lust. As for getting along brilliantly and his taking an interest in you, that’s what he’s paid and trained to do. Finally, surely a part of that fantastic feeling can be attributed to all those endorphins running through your system. Once you ask him out and he refuses — possibly because you’ve misread the situation or that accepting could get him fired — your training sessions will be forever awkward.

I have started dating a sweet guy who was introduced to me by a mutual friend. Although he’s lovely, considerate and gentlemanly, some of his example, he thinks roses aren’t roses without baby’s breath. There have also been fluffy teddy bears covered with hearts. Which would be fine if we were 16. But both of us are approaching 30 and it feels a bit juvenile. Should I say anything?

answer:
No, I will. You’re being a stuck-up snob who’s poised to reject an otherwise generous chap on the grounds that his floral taste isn’t cutting-edge. So what if he buys you teddy bears? Plenty of single women would gladly swap places with you in a heartbeat. Get out of this judgmental space before you lose out on something substantial. It sounds as if he has the raw material to make a top partner. Besides, you can probably develop his sense of style with some coaching.