We always quarrel about our sex life
My fiance and I have been having sex for five years but I’ve never slept over at his place because his mother is very conservative. The problem is, before we got engaged, sex (we do it in his van) was good. Now, we seldom do it. He says now that we’re engaged, we shouldn’t do it in the van and that he wants to spend the night with me if not for his mom. He’s 27, why does he still listen to her? We always quarrel about this and our sex life is suffering. Is he losing interest in me?
answer:
You can look at this from several angles. The first is that he is thoroughly bound by apron-strings and he has no mind of his own. The second is that prior to the engagement, he was simply having fun and doing it in the van seemed naughty and novel. However, now that you are engaged, he feels he must respect you more and does not want you to have sex in a cheap way. You will never really understand his relationship with his mother so the best thing to do is to talk about it openly. Quarrelling, assuming and accusing will only put him in a double bind and force him to make choices. If he chooses his mum you will feel rejected. If he chooses you he essentially rejects his mum and he will be unhappy. The issue may simply be one of a mother having difficulty letting her son go. An engagement is fair warning that the next stage of marriage means a change in the mother-son relationship. Mum and son too may need to talk. Sometimes parents need reassurance that they are not losing a child but gaining another. It may help if you and you future mother-in-law developed a functional and “happy” relationship. A happy sex life does not mean a happy relationship however when either starts deteriorating it is time to wake up and confront the issue.
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