5 habits of happy people
Nobody expects you to put on a Smiley Face when life sucks. But the happiest people do have ways of taking their lives—and their moods— into their own hands.
1.Happy People Don’t Stay in a Rut.
Fear is the mind’s way to keep us safe—not only from harm, but also from trying anything too new, ambitious or scarily important. The antidote? To feel happy, you may have to do what makes you anxious— as long as it’s not harmful,” says Albert Ellis, Ph.D., president of the Institute for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy in New York City. So dive into whatever terrifies you—interview for a great job, train for a marathon—and allow any timidity you feel to run its course. Over time, fears of both failure and success lose their power.
2.Happy People Move Their Bodies.
If you’ve ever noticed that you feel more lighthearted after a workout, there’s evidence to back you up. “People who exercise are less depressed, less anxious and less angry,” says Keith Johnsgard, Ph.D., emeritus professor of psychology at San Jose State University. Exercise distracts you from painful emotions and releases mood-elevating chemicals like serotonin and endorphins into the brain. Dr. Johnsgard suggests walking briskly an hour a day. “That’s easy and it works,” he says.
3.Happy People Do What They Like
By the time a woman reaches her twenties, there’s a chorus of voices in her head—her mother’s, her best friend’s, her Psychic Friend’s, the patriarchal power structure’s—all telling her what she should want. And the chorus’s well-meaning advice can easily drown out the little melody that’s playing in her own soul. Which is why you may have to think back several years to find the kinds of activities that truly make you—yes, you— happy. “Between the ages of about 6 and 12, girls have a tremendous amount of freedom,” says Mary Pipher, Ph.D., author of Reviving Ophelia. “They can do what they want without worrying about being ‘feminine.’ ” So think back. What did you love to do? Pitch a mean softball? Read mysteries? Try it again and seize your joy.
4.Happy People Dont Give Up “I” for “We”.
The search for someone to experience life with is a noble one. But too often, once a likely candidate appears, a woman begins to focus on the endgame (can you say “marriage”?) and her sense of self becomes fuzzy (can you say “urge to merge”?). “Many women think they have to choose between a relationship and a clear identity,” says Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. “The key to happiness is to have both.”
This means that in your relationship, you force yourself to speak your mind, respectfully, and he listens, openly. You’re both capable of saying “I was wrong.” If this sounds scary, ask yourself: Can you have a meaningful relationship if you’re twisting yourself to fit?
5.Happy People Know That Life Can Hurt.
A pink slip, a death in the family, a broken relationship—no one’s immune from pain. It’s part of the deal. We trip up, though, when we don’t accept our sad feelings, even in the face of bad events. “Eliminate the ’shoulds.’ ” says Dr. Ellis. Instead of believing that you should never feel less than joyful, learn to say, “Yeah, I’d rather be hippy, but I’m not right now.” Like euphoria, pain is temporary. Contentment will find its way back to you.
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