My mom hates my guy
I’ve been dating Bob for two months and we’ve become very close. I can tell he really cares about me, and he’s given up a lot for me. The problem is, my mother’s still hung up on my former boyfriend, Ted, and won’t give Bob a chance. She is constantly bad-mouthing him and calling me a fool for sticking with him. We fight about it every day. I don’t think she’s right, but I hate fighting with her. So, do I keep taking the unfair criticism, or what? And why won’t my mom give Bob a chance?
answer:
I can tell you that lots of girls hook up with guys their parents can’t stand— maybe because you have different tastes or ideas about what’s important in a boyfriend (Mom likes good manners and good grades). Or, let’s face it, you might actually seek out guys you know your parents will hate.
Whatever the reason, it’s definite ly a drag to fight with your mom all the time. I do think, though, that if your parents have gone ballistic about this one guy, it’s at least worth listening to why. Maybe they—as spectators to your relationship—can see something problematic that you, in your glazed-eye adoration, are blind to. On the other hand, sometimes parents are overprotective, judgmental, downright irrational. . . or just human. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them.
Hear out your mom’s objections to Bob and decide whether there’s something to them. If not, sit down with your mother and try to calmly explain why you like him and don’t plan on breaking up with him (if that’s not possible, write her a note). Tell her you and Ted are over for good, whether she thinks he was a dream boy or not. Give her exam ples of things you like about Bob that she might relate to: that he and your brother play basketball togeth er, that he thinks watching videos in your family room is a good time, whatever. She might come around, especially if Rob makes a real effort to get to know her. At least you’ll know that Bob’s her loss, not yours.
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Jan 3rd 2008 at 1:08 pm
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