I have just come out of my sixth three-month relationship. When I first start seeing someone new everything is fabulous, then they always seem to lose interest. These guys call me at all hours of the night and don’t want to go out on proper dates. What am I doing wrong? And where can I meet someone who will take a relationship seriously and give me a commitment longer than a couple of months? I don’t want to be a booty call anymore.
answer:
This would seem to imply that you have allowed yourself to be a booty call in the past. When this stops, your relationships will last longer. I’m not suggesting you become a sexual prude, nor am I judging you, but perhaps you’re hopping into bed just a little too soon. Focus on connecting emotionally, spiritually and intellectually and don’t believe that a physical bond can make up for deficiencies in other areas. Next time around, take more of a stand and don’t allow yourself to be put in such pliant positions (as it were). Dictate the pace and activities and don’t hesitate to put a man who oversteps the mark with early morning calls in his place. If he can’t handle this, then you’ve got a pretty good indicator that he was never planning to hang around for long.
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I have been with my boyfriend for one year now and things are fabulous, however I have fust recently started chatting on the phone with my ex-boyfriend. He has been overseas for a couple of years and we lost contact, so it’s nice to catch up as friends. I have agreed to catch up with him over drinks, but I don’t want to mention this to my current beau. Am I doing the wrong thing? Would you call this cheating?
answer:
Well, yes and no. If honesty is a valuable element in your relationship (and one year on it should be) then you are doing the wrong thing. Whether it’s an omission of truth or an outright fabrication, this is still lying. I would not, however, call this cheating as such. That would involve tongues. Still, though, after 12 months together there should exist enough trust in your romance that your man should be fine with you catching up with your ex for a drink. The question is: can you trust yourself?
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Every February means Valentine’s Day. I’m currently single and sadly I don’t think there’ll be any flowers arriving for me this year. Is there anything for singles to do, which won’t involve us looking either lonely and pathetic or plain bitter and resentful? I have other single friends who rush straight home after work on that day so they won’t have to face the swooning couples out on the streets, and I think that’s just unfair!
answer:
Yes, it is unfair — you should be able to go out and have fun too! It’s just another day and it will only make you feel bitter and resentful if you let it. What I would do is get all your single friends together and go out for a bite to eat and a drink or two. Organize it in advance so there is no excuse. I think it’s sad that single people think they have to hide away and you now have a good opportunity to ensure that they don’t.
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It’s Chinese New Year once again, which means I have to face my busybody relatives who can’t stop asking me incredibly sensitive questions about my job and love life. Is there a polite way for me to tell them to shut up and stop being rude and intrusive, without losing face for my parents? I don’t think I can take yet another year of interrogations.
answer:
It’s that time of year — I understand the problem. I am guessing that there is no way you can answer their questions with “mind your own business,” or “I would really rather not answer that question,” without offending (although I do feel that you would be perfectly within your right to answer that way). So, let’s work on the premise that the questions aren’t going to stop and that you don’t want to be rude. Therefore, you have to smile sweetly and tell them that your career is going really well, your love life is fantastic and you are very happy. Obviously this will inevitably lead to further questions, but you need to learn the trick of answering without answering. For example, “My love life is fantastic,” might lead to, “So we can expect a wedding soon?” to which you reply with, “Anyone need another drink? I shall go and get some food,” or “Have you heard the new Puff Daddy song?” It may seem a bit silly, but changing the subject might be the only option.
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I recently found out that my boyfriend’s dad was jailed for some time when he was a teenager. He hooked up with a bad crowd and they all ended up committing a gang murder. I was really shocked. Even though I know it was many years ago and his dad has completely changed his life — in fact, he’s a very successful businessman — part of me is afraid. Especially when I think about how I was envisioning marriage and a future with his son. What should I do? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
answer:
This is tricky. But let’s be sensible. What he was jailed for was awful. But he has been jailed, and the fact that he was released suggests that he has been rehabilitated. Perhaps he was young and being influenced badly and now he’s grown up. Also, remember that you are dating his son, not him. Which means that if you really love him, then you have to try to get over his father’s past. But if it scares you, (which is understandable), then remember that it’s your future and you have to do what is best for you. If the relationship is wonderful though, think very carefully before you make a decision.
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My family doesn’t know I’m lesbian. They are very traditional and conservative, so I know it will come as a big blow to them. They do love me very much though, and I am tired of keeping my sexual orientation a secret When should I let them know? When I am financially able? Or when I’ve finally decided to settle down with my partner?
answer:
You know there is only one person who can answer that question, and that is you. My heart goes out to you that you have to hide such a big part of yourself from those you love, but remember they do love you and you owe them honesty. However, you have to feel ready to address this, and address it in the right way — remind your family that you are still the person they love, nothing has changed but this is part of who you are. I wish you all the best because there will probably never be a best time for this, so do it when you are ready.
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Recently, I’ve been getting pain in my knees and ankles. I’m only 31 — is it possible that this is some kind of early onset arthritis? I notice that the pain worsens when the weather turns cold or when it rains. I feel like an old lady for saying this! After my hot yoga class, the pain grows too. What kind of exercise can I pursue despite my weak knees? And what kind of things should I be doing to ease the discomfort?
answer:
You may have injured your joints inadvertently. The treatment is to rest the joints affected. Take anti-inflammatory drugs and sit back. If you persist in exercising, the pain in the joints will never have a chance to recover. Isometric exercises will probably be the best option to strengthen the joints before pursuing normal exercise again. Ask a physiotherapist to set up an exercise regime. And then understand your joint actions so that you can create the proper exercises to ease the pain in the long run.
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