My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. In the past year he’s been picking on me and saying very mean things. He’s accusing me of being a flirt for keeping in touch with my exes and despite my reassurances that there’s nothing left, he still scolds and talks down to me whenever I meet up with my other male friends. He’s just so insecure. I’m so tired of living like a criminal with his constant cross-examining. I suggested breaking up since he is so dissatisfied with me, and then he threatened to take his own life. This relationship is too draining but honestly I’m still with him because I love him. I can’t keep going on like this. I need some mature advice.
answer:
Your boyfriend does indeed sound very insecure and he’s taking it out on you. Jealousy is bom of insecurity but if it has only been going on for the last year of your relationship, maybe something has happened to spark it off. Can you think of anything that might be causing him to feel insecure? Maybe a friend of his lost his girlfriend to another man, say, something like that? All you can do is reassure him that you’re with him because you love him - but make it clear his jealousy is the one thing that could drive you away.
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My boyfriend says he loves me but admits he can’t love me as much as he loves his ex. He also admits that he still loves her although we’ve been in this relationship for six months. He treats me well but I can’t accept that he still loves her. Whenever I think of this, it makes me want to go out with other guys just to get revenge! But I actually love only him. Is it worth continuing this relationship?
answer:
Well, I’m not sure I’d want to be with someone who’s told me that I can never mean as much to him as his previous girlfriend. Talk about setting the bar a little high, eh? But, you’ve only been together six months and if his previous relationship with the much-loved ex lasted longer, perhaps it’s understandable he still has feelings for her? May be worth sticking around a bit to see if his love for her fades while growing for you? It might. After all, love needs proximity and as your relationship lengthens, so she will be pushed further and further back into the past, where she belongs.
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I have been with my boyfriend for three years. But though we have been a loving couple, I always take my anger out on him. i thought he was alright about it because each time he would try to make me smile. But one day, he suddenly said that he could not stand it anymore and wanted a break-up. I felt really sad and asked for a second chance. He agreed to it but he said things will not be the same again. From then onwards, he doesn’t touch or kiss me like he used to. I am very confused and sad now. How can I start to mend the relationship?
answer:
It’s such a shame your boyfriend took so long to tell you this, isn’t it? He’s given you a second chance but now you’re walking on eggshells, afraid of upsetting him. The only way to clear the air is to have a good talk about it. Say you didn’t realize how upset it made him when you “showed” him your temper and you’ll try to curb it in future. But part of the sheer joy of being in a loving couple is feeling able to let someone see us at our worst but still loving us despite it. It won’t work if you’re on edge all the time so ask him to cut you some slack.
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I was sexually abused as a child, but it didn’t affect me so much then as it does now. I’m 17 and I find myself having trouble communicating with boys, let alone falling in love with any of them. I’ve tried talking about this to a trusted adult but I still feel the same. I’m getting depressed. Should I see a psychologist?
answer:
Firstly, I am so very sorry you were abused as a child. Next, I totally understand that you might feel afraid of seeing a psychologist about this but can I please urge you to do so? Or to get some kind of help. You are clearly very self aware since you recognize that the abuse is now making it difficult, if not impossible, for you to form relationships with boys. I expect you have an issue around trust and fear letting anyone get too close. Therapy, or just talking to someone experienced in this, could be of enormous benefit.
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I have small white bumps under both of my eyes. They’re at my under-eye area and won’t go away no matter how much I exfoliate them. How do I get rid of them?
answer:
The bumps are called milia and they occur when skin cells become trapped rather than exfoliate naturally. The trapped cells then turn into tiny cists below the surface of the skin. One of the main causes of milia is using products that are too heavy for your skin type such as moisturisers, eye creams, sunscreen, foundation, even hair care products. The area under the eye is most prone to milia because the skin is thin. The best way to prevent it from forming is to exfoliate frequently with a gentle scrub. It’s difficult to remove milia on your own. You can either get a facialist to extract it or if it’s too stubborn, you might need to remove it with laser therapy.
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I have suffered from sweaty hands and feet for about 10 years. I have to bring a handkerchief along wherever I go. I am always scared to shake other people’s hands. Can it be cured? Do I need to undergo a surgery?
answer:
Focal hyperhidrosis or excessive sweating at the hands, feet, armpits or face happens both to males and females and for the most part it’s passed along genetically. There have been various methods recommended in the past such as lotions, pills, acupuncture and even electric devices but the effects have been temporary. For now the best option available that might possibly provide a cure is a Sympathectomy. The surgery for excessive hand sweating is called Endoscopic Thoracic Sympathectomy and for the legs it’s called Lumbar Sympathectomy. Both these procedures can be done on an outpatient basis. See your general practitioner and ask him or her to refer you to a specialist that deals with hyperhidrosis to advise you and discuss your options.
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I’m suffering from serious dandruff problem. My scalp is itchy most of the time and it’s very embarrassing especially in public. I tried using a number of dandruff control shampoos but they do not seem to work. What should I do?
answer:
Dandruff can happen to both people with dry scalp and oily scalp. Generally it’s attributed to excessive sebum production on the scalp but it’s been increasingly acknowledged among medical practitioners that a tiny fungus called Pityrosporum ovale, or P. ovale for short, is responsible for the itch and flaking. There are many causes to dandruff. The internal causes include hormonal imbalance, poor health, stress, improper nutrition, over-consumption of sugar, fat and starch, lack of rest and allergic hypersensitivity. The external causes are excessive use of styling products, inadequate rinsing of shampoo and conditioner, infrequent washing and also excessive use of heating tools like curling irons. Since you have tried many commercial shampoos and they have not worked, I’d suggest that you see a dermatologist to first get the problem in control.
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